Empress Sassy

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 31

So often we are at work or other places and we are talking, working, “gossiping” and going about our daily habitual routine.  I have a challenge for you that I want you to try.  Most won’t do it, but if you do, you will be amazed.

For the next few days just listen.  Yep, it’s amazing.  If you sit at your desk, or wherever you work just don’t talk as much; just listen.  You will be amazed what you hear.  Now, for those that work with me don’t freak out, I’m not listening in on your conversations, that is not what this is about at all.

This is about being a listener to people and not always a talker.  To be a better listener you have to become one.  So often I can go for an entire morning without talking to anyone unless they speak to me.  During that time you can listen to what goes on in your office; the morning chit-chat, work conversations, issues, raised voices on the phones, but you’d be amazed at how much you can get to know people and their personalities by just listening to the environment over a period of time.

You can observe people’s habits by how they talk, how often they talk, how often the DON’T talk.  Listening is a great way to be a better friend, parent, co-worker, boss or even an employee. 

It’s great to just tune into yourself, your area, your environment and just listen to what goes on around you.  You don’t have to be involved, just listen for a while and observe.

Will you do it?

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 31

OK, so life at 40 was not that big of a change, but as I’m getting older I’m noticing that I just don’t get caught up in the drama any longer and I’m starting to realize I truly don’t care what people think of me.  Now don’t get me wrong, I know that I have to care when I’m at work in the sense that I have a professional responsibility, blah, blah, blah, but that’s the thing; I was raised to do a good job and do my work.  In the end that pays off.  If you work hard you are rewarded (well at some companies anyway).

In my personal life however I have decided that I’m tired of explaining myself.  Do you ever get tired of doing that?  Am I the only one that does that to friends or family?  Are you the odd one out in your family?  I don’t know but here is the thing; I am who I am and I don’t see me changing.  I have weird eating habits so if you don’t want to go eat with me don’t ask me to dinner or don’t invite me over, but if you do lets not discuss me eating habits like I’m a space alien OK?

I’m single, I’m not diseased, I’m single and it’s by choice.  I’m raising a 4 year old and I’m dedicated to the cause.  I’m not a martyr about it, but it’s just what it is right now and I don’t have time to give myself to anyone else right now so lets not point that out to me every chance we get OK?  IF, and that is a big IF, someone comes along I guess that means God thinks it’s time and we’ll see what happens.

I have phobias; fear of frogs, fear of clowns, I’m not fond of looking in the mirror in the dark (I have no idea!), I freak out over the Exorcist and the Omen, but here is the thing; these are my phobias and you don’t have to get them.  Just respect them and allow me to have them.  Let’s not try to cure me or help me with them OK?

I have religious beliefs and they are mine.  I don’t discuss them in detail as, what did I just say, Oh that’s right they are mine.  I like to discuss various options and beliefs, but that does not make me a non-believer.  Lets not assume that because I question or doubt that I’m a non-believer OK? 

Don’t ask me a question about your personal life, your work life or any other topic unless you want me to answer it honestly.  If you want a “pretty” answer go ask one of your superficial friends.  That is not what I do.  If you don’t like this about me then don’t ask me.  I don’t just give advice  - I give it when we are talking about it or you ask me.  If you don’t want it don’t ask for it OK?

I’m not moody on purpose, I’m a girl.  Do you know girls?  I know lots and I’m not different than any other girls I know.  I’m overworked, I don’t get enough sleep, I have too many things I need to do and not enough time to do the things I want to do.  I stress over money, time, relationships, children, the economy, aging, parents, you name it I think about it.  I’m a constant thinker. 

I’m not going to change.  Did I have a chance in my 20’s?  Sure, but guess what I’m past 40 and I like me.  I’ve decided I’m not going back to fix anything and I’m just going to move forward with the “ME” I have.  I try every day to be a decent person and guess what, sometimes I slip up.  I do make mistakes and when I do I try to make them right.  If you get mad at me, you will get over it or you will move on.  I can’t make you stay and I can’t make you like me if you don’t want to.

Well that is that and it is what it is!  Hope that clears things up because I’ve decided  I’m done explaining myself to many people.  Overall I’m not that bad on a weekly basis and for the most part I think I’m just tired of justifying my life.  We can only ask for forgiveness to the one that matters and after that it’s out of our hands.

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 31

For the love of Pete, I’m creating a photo album in Shutterfly or Snapfish; I can’t even remember at this point and it will take me forever.

I started the scrap book thing and I decided that wouldn’t get finished until the time Noah was married with kids.  Then I thought OK, I will just do all of this electronically.  They appear to make it seem like a snap with the instructions.  It is, but that isn’t the issue.  The thing is - you have to get all your photos downloaded from your CD(s) and get them in the right order, then you have to decide on your pages and how you want those to be in order.  By the time you have all the pictures uploaded from the CD, crap that’s one night right there.  This is just a process people!

I’m making progress though, I spent an evening working on it and I did quite well.  I’m determined to forge ahead and have this book completed in a couple of weeks.  It’s just time consuming.  You start when its light outside and you look down and it’s 11 PM.  Where did I lose 4 hours?  My back hurts, my shoulders ache and I’m really tired of looking at pictures.  Oh and the worst part, you start to get all caught up in the old photos and want to look at them.  You CAN’T there is no time. You have to stay focused - you have a PHOTO ALBUM MISSION!  ha ha.

Wish me luck, I’m only half way through my album. 

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 29

When I joined Facebook the first thing Jacob did was throw a picture of me on the page.  Now, he knows I hate pictures of myself and I had asked him not to do it.  As always we fought about it for about 20 minutes and then the picture was removed.  Because I think he respects me and likes me as a friend I think to myself he won’t do it again.  Low and behold I pull up the page tonight and there is another picture of me again (one that I find not flattering at all). 

Of course I’m furious not only because I hate the picture, but more so because he did it to me again.  When I call him instead of just taking the picture off he has to throw out to me that I’m a “control freak”.  Not cool.

When you have friends and they have issues, despite what those issues are you are supposed to respect those issues.  If they have a fear of frogs you certainly wouldn’t stick a frog in their backpack now would you?  If they decide to confess their undying love to someone and you KNOW it’s ridiculous and you tell them, BUT they do it anyway would you be there to clean up the mess?  Yes you would.  Friends do and respect what needs to be done.  They don’t tease, mess with and humiliate them in front of others knowing it will go against their friends insecurities. 

If you don’t have any insecurities or feelings in your soul then that is good for you, but friends respect and treat friends as they should and in return they get it back no matter what.  When the chips are down that person will be there no matter what.  You have to ask yourself, “Would you take this person to battle?”  If the answer is hands down yes then this person is your true friend.  If you falter with your answer then they probably aren’t your true friend.  I have a close circle of friends for this reason so I can try to be a true friend.  I have acquaintances, but true friends are hard to find and when you do I try to hold on to them.

I don’t do things that they don’t like or purposely try to aggravate them.  I am not a control freak for not wanting something personal of me out there posted to the world.  Last time I checked this was my business, not someone else’s choice.

Sorry Jacob, I don’t agree.  

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 29

Don’t you hate when people “borrow” things without asking?  My daughter is famous for this, and I’m sure we’ve all had friends that do this too or sisters and brothers.  Example:  I did the swim with dolphins thing last summer as we all know and I had received a souvenir towel to take home with me.  I put it in my drawer at home with the towels but I hadn’t used it yet.  I wasn’t sure I really wanted to since it meant something to me from the swim.  I was looking for a beach towel tonight for Noah because he starts swim lessons and we had no towels in the drawer (no surprise there).  I yell upstairs to inquire and my daughter brings them downstairs.  She had used them at the gym and guess what?  She had my souvenir dolphin towel.  OK, well I guess we just decided it will get used huh?

Oh my gosh, how pissed am I?  Not only did we decide it will be used, but also it will be used first by someone that is not me?  Who takes things that don’t belong to you without asking?  It isn’t the first time and it makes me crazy.  Do I go up to her room and take things without asking?  Not that I would want anything up there but still, it’s the principle of the matter.  You do not take things that you did not pay for without asking.  It’s just rude.

When you were younger and had sisters this was a thing wasn’t it?  I remember my sister roping off her side of the room!  Every time I think about that I crack up.  I was nine years younger so I’m sure I drove her crazy touching her stuff.  I get it though.  Your stuff if your stuff and people that don’t respect that make me crazy.  I don’t bother anyone’s stuff.  It’s just not right.  If you ask I will more than likely say yes, unless it something I don’t want you using because it’s nice and I want to keep it nice, but in general you can borrow things.  Some people don’t take care of items so I don’t let them borrow things. 

Yet another pet peeve!  If you want it ask for it, but if you haven’t don’t touch it.  It’s not yours just to take.

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 28

While Jacob was having dinner with his “people” we discussed cheating.  We always seem to jump to various topics and some how we jumped to this particular topic.  Gee I can’t seem to remember why…………Anyway…………..

So what is considered cheating?  First of all I have been cheated on and I have cheated so I know the ramifications of both and although I’m not proud of when I did cheat, it happens and thus is life.  I do take responsibility and when you look back, no matter whatever the reason it isn’t the right thing to do.  OK, well when I was younger I can justify it, but that was another lifetime and we won’t go there.

Anyway (again), Jacob actually said some things that cracked me up.  First of all, if you are in a committed relationship and you are talking to someone else, seeing someone else, receiving emails, letters, phone calls from someone else then I hate to tell you my friend, but you are cheating on that person.  If you actually say, “Well I think that person might be cheating on me too!”  What is that comment?  What are you in that relationship for anyway?  That is pathetic?  What if you say, “Well he is mean to me, but I just can’t leave him for the kids?”  How many times do we hear that one?  It’s still cheating!

Cheating is cheating and no matter how you break it down, you can’t justify it.  You can find a friend that will allow you to justify it and when you do that tends to make you feel better, but you are still cheating.  If that works for you then that’s fine, but guess what?  Still cheating!

If you have never been in a relationship then you really just don’t understand where cheating can go and what it can do to a relationship and in that case, you really can’t debate it or discuss it; as you don’t understand. 

At the end of the day, if you are cheating on your significant other and they don’t know it then they are the one that is being hurt.  That other person is being lied to, cheated on and made to look the fool.  Cheating is wrong.  We are human, it happens and you can move on from it and get past it, but you have to know it’s wrong.  You can’t justify it and expect others to just say, “OK yes it’s OK what you are doing.” 

I have did that and at the end of the day you must come back and admit, it’s wrong.  What do you consider cheating?  If you spouse were to have lunch with a member of the opposite sex every day and share personal information about their life, would you consider that cheating?  Would you allow them to continue to have these “lunch dates”?  Do you trust them enough?  If that same person began to call them at home would you nip it?  What do you consider cheating?

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 28

We went to see this last night and it’s just hilarious.  Tyler Perry can write some humor!  As always there is a serious undertone, storyline, but the Madea part is worth the trip.

That character is classic and she kills me.  There are two or three scenes that make you laugh out loud.  From the “Me time” comments to the driving through the Big Kmart Window, Madea has it goin’ on.

Tyler Perry is a talented writer, director and producer and if you haven’t seen any of his movies or plays yet you really need to watch at least one of them.  We were also talking after the movie because his knowledge of the Bible is amazing.  He must know it inside and out.  Madea, however doesn’t visit the church too often.  She prefers to do the “drive-by” method! 

This movie was hilarious and it was worth going to see!

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 25

It’s time to talk pet peeves again!  We all have them don’t we.  OK, so you know when someone ask you a question right?  Obviously they don’t know the answer because they are asking you for the answer.  Now, this can be work related or it can even be personal, as some people come to you for advice.  Either way it ticks me off when they do what I’m about to explain.

Let’s say it’s work related and they ask the question.  You give the answer and they take the response.  Now, they don’t debate, they don’t argue, they appear to accept your answer, but low and behold you find out later they have turned around and ask someone else the exact same question, normally someone over your authority level the exact same question.  This is to say, “I have no faith in what you told me so screw it I’m moving on to someone else, but I had no courage to tell you or even debate the response.”  Keep in mind I had no clue what the answer was, however I can still doubt you????  This used to happen to me at another place of business that I worked in a few years back - drove me crazy!

On a personal level I’m not one to go around asking advice to just anyone.  You won’t hear me asking advice in a group setting.  It’s not my style.  Why?  Well, this is why I have a close group of friends. I don’t want the advice of random people, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. because I don’t trust it.  This is WHY I have close friends.  What slays me is that you have people that ask you random advice and because they do, I try to give it, only to find out they too turn right around and ask 10 other people, again as if to say, “Well I ask your advice, but I’m really taking a poll. Your advice just didn’t seem strong enough to get me through.” 

On both scenarios this just discredits the next time this person will come to me to ask me anything.  I will have no interest in giving advice or assisting them again.  I will if I have to due to work situations or I’m forced to with a family member, but I won’t put my whole-hearted effort into it of course.

Have you found yourself in this situation before?  It does happen with family too I’m sure.  Family I guess wouldn’t be so bad as people tend to discuss amongst families more, but I still think when you go to someone for an answer you should believe in what they tell you and if you don’t then debate it or argue it, don’t move on to someone else to replace their answer.

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 24

In our justice system you are not allowed to have double jeopardy in a murder trial.  Meaning, if you are acquitted of a murder and then later more evidence is found or even if you admit to it; too bad so sad - you can not be put on trial and convicted for the murder again.

In life, if you are blamed for something and you prove that you are not guilty of something then it should work the same way!  So often even when you explain yourself to one family member, or group of people there are always the “doubters” or the next group that may decide to judge you again.  Double jeopardy should apply in your basic life as well.

So often we are blamed for mistakes that are children make or that we make and even when we take the blame OR we explain that things aren’t as they seem, people still want to see what they want to see.  The best thing to do is of course, be who you are and not let others bother you, but honestly, some days it just gets exhausting defending yourself when you’ve done nothing wrong. 

It goes back also to perception which is yet another soap box issue with me, but at the end of the day, those that judge should realize they too may be judged some day and they really need to be careful HOW they are judging. 

Life is what it is and each person is responsible for their own actions.  No one makes you do anything.  Every day is full of choices and you, as an individual makes those choices based on your emotions, your ideas and your thought process.  People can make you angry, sad, happy, stressed, and many other emotions but they CANNOT make you react.  Only YOU react only YOU make decisions for your life.  No one makes your decisions for you.  When you make wrong choices don’t blame others; own the choice and make it better.

Also, remember, you can’t change people.  People only change if they want to and if they are ready to change.  YOU can’t MAKE someone change and if you try, the more you try the more you will fail.  I love when someone else says, “Well try harder to make them change or make they do something.”  As if people just snap back into some other person in a flash.

Just remember double jeopardy can work!  If you have explained yourself and you have asked for forgiveness OR you have just said, “Get over this and move on.”  Let it go.  One conviction is enough!

posted by EmpressSassy on Mar 24

Do you ever feel guilty about just the silliest things and then you think to yourself, I can’t really help that, but still it nags at you?  OR, am I just an insane person that lives in guilt (thanks mom!).

For example, I always feel bad when I walk into a restroom at work (usually at the end of the day) and the attendant is cleaning the sinks.  She had just finished up and they are all shiny and looking great and then in I come to muck them up again.  You have to know she is thinking, “OK, it’s the end of the day, did you have to wait until the END of the day to come in and muck up my work?”. 

OR………..when there is a person cleaning windows on a glass door and you walk up and use the window part to open the door.  First of all I NEVER do this, I always use the handle as that is just rude, but I see SO many people do this.  I have too much of a conscience to do this to someone who has just cleaned that window.  Does anyone else think this way?

Some of it is just good, polite manners and let me tell you, as a society we lack it big time.  I am also the girl that loathes going into a restaurant at 9:50 when they close at 10:00PM.  I have had this argument with several people and I just don’t like to do this.  I especially had this argument repeatedly with one person (he who shall not be named) and he had NO conscience which should have triggered me that he was just not a nice person deep, down. 

There is an author that says you should watch how your date treats a waiter or waitress, as this is in turn how this person truly is with their personality.  Ever since I read that article I notice more people and how they act in public in that situation and it’s SO very true.  Most people who show that disrespect to waiters are just rude most of the time in other situations and to friends and family.

I just wondered if life deals you little moments of guilt and if it crosses your mind as it does mine.  As we all know my mind constantly works non-stop so I was just curious!  Something to ponder and discuss.  What makes you feel guilty?