Empress Sassy

posted by EmpressSassy on Feb 23

With my first child, as most do, I was crazy organized and wanted everything to be perfect.  I had all of her clothes organized, the room was perfect, I sterilized everything and if went anywhere I had that diaper bagged packed for a natural disaster.  I was awesome.  What did it get me?  Nothing but organized “things”!

Now I’m a lot older with Noah, I’m working a different job, I feel more tired, I’m a LOT more relaxed and I just don’t seem to be as organized.  My mother thinks my life is a mess.  Is it really?  If I died tomorrow would people really condemn me for the fact that my house was a little messy and I didn’t put all of Noah’s toys away the day before I died?  I would hope they would know the reason they weren’t put away is that we played until the last minute that he was up and then it made me behind on doing my other stuff.

Most of the time I’m behind on all of my stuff because I’m playing with Noah, doing things for Noah or taking care of Noah.  Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?  I get up at 6:30 AM and leave the house at 8:00 AM, I work until 6:00 PM and pick him up and I get home around 6:45 (unless we run behind).  We eat supper, play and get a bath.  By that time it’s bedtime and we are lucky to be in bed by 9:00 - 9:30.  Even at that I feel guilty that I don’t spend enough time with him!

After he goes to bed I have a limited amount of time to do whatever I chose to do; laundry, clean something or try to have a moment to do bills, organize thoughts or whatever.  The point - there is limited time and then I have to go to bed so I can start over.  This is a daily grind and people wonder why I can’t get organized?? 

Weekends are packed with errands and other things, but you can’t do too much or he’s exhausted for Monday.  If you do have yard work, big house cleaning or other things, it just sets you back.  Heaven forbid if you travel, spend the day away or do something fun because it sets you back days.  Oh, and personal time, what is that?  I have forgotten what that is these days.  And the personal favorite, “You should date, or get a hobby for yourself.”  (as if I could fit that in where?)

Now, it all sounds bad, but here is the thing, I wouldn’t trade one, single, crazy moment because to me, that is what is important.  Not the perfect house, the perfect clean windows and all that stuff.  I manage and I do a pretty good job considering.  It’s not up to others standards, but for me, without any help I do OK in my book. 

Now, what does aggravate me is the comments and suggestions that I need to try harder to be more organized or try harder to be a better “grandma” as it would just be better for me.  Well just for the record, I like me.  I have liked me for some time now and I don’t have a 5 year plan!!  Those don’t work for me and life is what it is!  People with the plans just need to plan without me and I have to just be me.  Every day isn’t good, but every day isn’t bad and that’s OK by me.

What is important is that I have people to love and people love me back.  Sometimes I’m just surprised who they truly are!