Empress Sassy

posted by EmpressSassy on Nov 5

For the most part I have always been a person that feels in life I don’t necessarily need people to like me, it’s just not that important to me.  When I say that I’m talking about people in general that aren’t in my circle of friends.  I figure if they don’t, they don’t and I’m sure they have their reasons.  However I do find it aggravating when they attempt to judge me and they don’t know me.  I think it’s also important for people to try and “get me” if they choose to want to know me, like me, dislike me and most importantly; judge me.

I believe life is a series of checks and balances.  I also believe in Fate.  Without fate my life would not be what it is today and I wouldn’t have had the experiences that I have managed to have thus far.  I base some of the most important people in my life on fate.  Now, you don’t have to have these beliefs, these are mine.  My series of checks and balances are a little (well a lot) OCD, however it works for me.  It’s also a little “Golden Rule”.

I constantly check and balance what I do on a daily basis with how much good and bad I do with every aspect in my life.  I check and balance how I treat my friends; am I taking care of their needs?  Did I listen when they needed me to listen?  Did I come through for them?  If not, how can I balance.  I also check and balance what people do (and don’t do) for me.  I don’t forget a lot on this check and balance system so I constantly check and balance over time with people so they have a chance to make amends or make mistakes (it is human nature to do both by the way).  To me, life is a running tab to be tallied at the end of your journey.  Yep, I think it’s tallied at the Pearly Gate and your fate at that point is based on if your checks and balances have been pretty equal. 

Crazy sounding?  Not really if you think about it, it’s just treating others as they treat you and if you don’t during the course of time then you need to step it up for a bit.  Does that make sense?  In reality, on a daily basis, I constantly check and balance everything, me, others, my work life, my social life, my religious beliefs.  I’m constantly thinking.  Yes, it’s exhausting but it’s how I work.  It works for me.

Now, people do wrong you and if they completely wrong you then the checks and balances are a little different sometimes.  Yes, there is forgiveness and circumstances, but I’m also very black and white (to a fault).  Life is what it is and you KNOW what you are supposed to do so do it.  If you don’t, own up to it and learn from your mistakes.  Sometimes you CAN’T take back things and that is the way it goes.  Sometimes you lose it all and that is the lesson.  Sometimes you have to completely let someone go and that doesn’t mean you are a bad person to cut them out of your life.  It is a part of life when someone wrongs you.  If this happens, let it go.  If you can’t let it go then at least don’t let it effect others around you.

Fate steps in also during life just to make it interesting and I believe fate works if you believe strong enough in life, love, desire, passion or whatever it is you choose to believe in for your life.  You can’t convince me otherwise that fate isn’t out there playing a part in people’s lives.  That one is just something I believe in.  I once let go of my belief in fate and it today, still, the biggest regret of my life.

Why am I explaining all of this?  Simple.  Don’t think that I’m this basic person that just comes in, makes a decision and moves on.  It’s not true.  I think things through beyond what most could even begin to comprehend.  Every decision made by me is a complete, detailed thought process, checked and balanced in my head.  If I appear to be quick, that is just my nature.  If I appear to be cold, that is because I am black and white and that is just how I express myself.  Bottom line, at the end of the day, I’m the same person that would give you anything possible that I have to give, if you have met the criteria of the checks and balances and I feel that you are worthy of being what I consider a friend.  I also help anyone in need honestly, as I feel life gets messy a LOT and we all need help.  You never know when it might be you.

Don’t judge me if you don’t know me and you don’t take the time to “get me”.  If you are not my friend then don’t even begin to judge me.  How can you?  I honestly don’t care, but it is quite rude isn’t it?  My friends don’t and thus, they are my friends.

That being said, my life works for me and if you don’t like my life I’m not sure why you are around it, near it, or involved in it.  Sometimes you have to exist in some one’s life, but this doesn’t mean you have to get involved in it.  You can co-exist and not judge, fight, discuss or try to change this person.  I have enough friends that I’m happy.  My life is good.