Empress Sassy

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 30

1) Being told to “Think Outside the Box” when I’m in the darn box all day!
2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4) That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6) My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7) Women: Darned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment. Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
23 power cords, 1 outlet.
9) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
10) When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
11) Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 30

This video is going out to a very NON special person who HAD TO GO. For anyone that knows me and knows what has been going on in my personal life they will totally understand (and NO it’s not about a bad break up). It’s just dedicated to a person that just HAD TO GO. To all those folks that have someone that you’d like to see go…..turn up the volume and rock with me!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 30

I’m in Season Two and I’m still diggin’ this show. Did anyone watch this when it was on? Does it stay this good? The mom kind of grates my nerves, get on with your life already, she is really dragging me down. Other than that, I’m still hanging in there. Brenda is kind of a slut too, but we’ll see where that goes and I hope Nate catches her soon. Has to add for some drama.

Anyone else like it out there???

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 30

Check out the latest Top 10 - Halloween Movies!!!!

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 30

1. Mind if I use your laptop?
2. Just stick it in my box.
3. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag!
4. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. Hmmmm…I think it’s out of fluid!
6. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
7. It’s an entry-level position.
8. When do you think you’ll be getting off today?
9. It’s not fair…I do all the work while he just sits there!
10. Have you checked your hard disk for viruses?
11. I’ve increased my RAM for more power.

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 26

Some things NEVER change:

Over time things change. We don’t play 45 records, cell phones aren’t gigantic and we don’t have transitor radio’s but elevators are still intact in buildings and for some, on a daily basis we ride them up and down every day to get to our jobs. I don’t, I work on a first floor building so I only ride them when I go to the Doctor, Dentist, etc.

What I do notice is that the etiquette has never faltered over time.

1. No one looks at each other - you wouldn’t dare right? It’s as if these people are from another planet and if you look at them their eyes will make your head explode. Now, you are allowed to look at the person you are with or a direct co-worker of course, but no stranger at all.

2. If you are talking, talking, talking on the outside of the elevator about your weekend, week night, etc. and you are in the middle of a great story and the doors open and you get in the actual elevator….the conversation must cease until you reach your floor and then you can pick up that conversation when you step out of the elevator area. If you continue talking it’s just freaky to everyone on the elevator and very uncomfortable. We don’t want to hear personal information about stranger’s weekends!

3. People that get on and turn around and look at everyone else are just FREAKS and to do it #1 to make everyone feel uncomfortable or #2 because they are just giant ASSES!

4. Do you notices that no one EVER eats on an elevator. I have never seen ANYONE do this in my life. I think it is just an unspoken rule.

5. When getting on the elevator and there are just a few people it is expected that you are to go to your respected area.
Two people - opposite sides
Three people - sort of a corner to corner position
Four people - Obviously the four corners
More than Five - OK people no one panic just spread out as much as possible

6. Kids - They are either going to push the buttons OR push your buttons by crying, jumping, yelling and it’s always going to be that they are going to the highest floor so you have to ride with them the ENTIRE time. Some kind of crazy fate.

7. The guy that tells the joke or tries to make the little quips on the elevator is OK right, and everyone usually laughs right?, and then you get off the elevator and think to yourself, “man I wish I could be more brave like that guy, he just broke elevator etiquette!”

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we could just be ourselves in the elevator!

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 26

HYPOCRITE:
Main Entry: hyp·o·crite
Pronunciation: \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date: 13th century
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Ok my little bloggettes, this is my word of the day and might I tell you I know the biggest hypocrite in the world………no wait………..the universe. Although I can’t divulge this persons name right at this moment as it isn’t proper at this time, might I assure you that NEVER in the course of time will anyone pass this person in the realm of this title. I will stake my reputation on it.

Does anyone know a hypocrite? Lets get real, we’ve all been one from time to time, especially if you’re a female, come on be honest, but to live day to day just spewing hypocritical verbage upon person after person, and at the same time living lie after lie AND living with yourself………what must that be like?

Anyway, just my venting, Empress moment and word of the day!

Thanks for listening!

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 24

1) Take notes in finger paint.
2) Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.
3) At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition.
4) Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, “Oh, now I get it!”
5) Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: “Hey, you don’t want to catch what I’ve got!”
6) Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.
7) Make a face like somebody beside you farted.
Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.
9) Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.
10) Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
11) Complain loudly that your neighbor won’t stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
12) Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one.
13) Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them “doctor’s orders.”
14) Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she “not hurt you anymore.”
14) During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
15) Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
16) Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.
17) Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
18) Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.
19) Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.
20) Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously.
21) Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can’t help it. Start crying.
22) Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it’s to “prevent the seizures.”
23) Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say “It’s pitiful. But what can you do?”
24) At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.
25)Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you “so you can hear better.” Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space.
26) Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
27) Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it.
28) Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are.
29) Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that “my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings.” Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.
30) Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody “My doctor’s appointment is tomorrow.”
31) Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: “Just in case.”
32) Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say “uh-huh, uh-huh!”
33) Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker’s. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation.
34) Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
35) Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.
36) When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, “Well, here’s the way I see it, J.B…” (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss’s.)

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 22

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Spike.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky.”

6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13. Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh, you’ve got to be faster than that.”

14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)

posted by EmpressSassy on Oct 22

You can click on my Pumpkin Farm Link and check on the Corucopia Farm link that is in the Scottsburg/Salem IN area. It’s no further than going to Huber’s and I totally recommend it instead. It’s $6.00 for adults and $5.00 for kids older than 2 and it’s a great place. Less commercialized and less crowded. Cheaper pumpkins and very family orienated. There is a huge slide that goes down this big hill and it’s so fun. There is a tricycle track and a petting zoo. They have these wooden cows that you pretend to milk and a tractor ride out to the pumpkin field ($2 extra) to get your own pumpkins and it’s a great ride. You can also get pumpkins out front in the field if you don’t want to pay extra for the ride.

They have a general store, swing sets and a few other things to offer. It’s just a great place to spend a few hours with the kids. We had a great time. Click on the link and hopefully you will check it out!